Opinionated Thought

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Written by Angela Murphy Sunday, 19 July 2009 00:37

Writings – Poetry

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Fears of that which I do know possess understanding of

creep in and out of the nooks and crannies that engulf my very essence.

fears that blossomed out of things I had no knowledge of and no control over

engulf me, my life, my soul

those fears control me, rule my life, suffocate me...

I wanna break free from these shackles of pain and fear

with each step I make I take three more back...I can't win

"you're not good enough", "you're stupid", "you suck"

God those words ring loud and clear, like echos off some huge canyon.

"don't leave me", "don't hurt me", don't hate me"

If only they could hear me..

It's me..I know it is...I'm weird, fucked up and crazy

I speak to soon, say too little and always seem indifferent

when is it my turn to win, to reach the surface, to stop drowning in this pool

of guilt, absolute terrified fear, self denial and self hate?

when do I get to shine..instead of tarnish like some old dish that someone

left in the pantry too long.

when do I get to feel loved, wanted and needed instead of pushed to the side to rot in my own essence?

when do I get to be someone's everything and nobody's nothing?

when do I get to be loved?

when do I get to win?

Never...

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